The title for this blog is from a famous slogan from World War 2, which was designed to alert the general population that spies may overhear their conversations and lives could be lost as a result. The lesson for negotiators is that we communicate with counterparties through conversations.
In these conversations, master negotiators understand that the process is a discipline, where their first task is to discipline themselves. Being considered, careful and insightful in use of language is fundamental to success.
William Ury has highlighted this in his recent book Negotiating with Your Most Formidable Opponent (yourself).
A key element of this discipline is the words you use and how you use them. The language of the master negotiator is both inclusive and precise. They say what they mean and mean what they say; they don’t use jargon or cliches such as ‘Can you sharpen your pencil?’ or ‘Can you cut me some slack?’
A highly skilled negotiator’s language changes throughout each stage of the negotiation. In the exchange of information phase, they ask open questions, ‘Can you help me understand your issues?’ Note the use of help which often creates a sympathetic response, as the desire to help another person is strong in most people.
Also the use of the word understand which indicates a desire to comprehend the other party’s needs, concern and possible obstacles to an agreement. By comparison, asking, ‘How can you justify that?’ provides an opportunity for the other party to do precisely that, (justify their position) and as a result, become less likely to be flexible.
A master negotiator creates opportunities for flexibility by asking hypotheticals. ‘Just suppose I could be flexible on volume, would you be flexible on price?’ The just suppose creates a non-binding indication of possible trading options.
Finally in the search for information the master negotiator asks, ‘Is there anything else you feel I should know?’ It’s often surprising how much additional information results from this simple question.
Once the negotiation has entered the finding solutions phase a master negotiator will move to use of collegial language. They will focus on the need for both parties to develop a solution together, based on a sharing of information gleaned from the discovery stage.
Phrases such as mutual gain, shared goals and the need to work together to find a solution that can be implemented are often relied upon. Any indications of movement away from pre-set positions from the other party should be rewarded with, ‘thank you for your flexibility’ and reciprocated with similar shifts from previous positions.
The language moves from ‘I’ statements to ‘we’ statements: we need to work together, we can sell this solution to our stakeholders; we’re making good progress.
Finally when most issues are resolved, there should be a strong message, ‘We’re close to a deal.’ This final statement often encourages counterparties to literally lean in - to attempt to close the gap.
And that’s where we see the master negotiator at work.
Happy negotiating!